Page 12 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE March, 1989
HEALING OURSELVES
by Fern Levy
Healing Our Relationship With Money
"My value and worth are increased by everything I do."
I don't know many people, rich or poor, whose relationship with money is healthy.
What I often hear are complaints about not having enough, irrespective of income or financial worth. I even have a friend so wealthy that it is a burden to her each year, to choose her philanthropic donations. I have seen the pile of "askers" on her desk, where she labors over which ones are truly worthy of her support.
Much of what we know about money we learned from our parents, our families. Money was not really talked about, a secret, like sex, considered an improper subject to broach around the children. And like sex, implicitly imbued with a power in our lives that it did not deserve..
The aura of mystery and secrecy created a monster and, as with sex, a consciousness of scarcity was developed. In other words, no matter how much you had, it would never be enough. Or, in the words of Mae West, "Too much of a good thing is great."
And in some families, perhaps a discomfort was created about having more than others, or a discomfort about having less. Friends have told me of financial ease in their families until a business deal collapsed or a health crisis occurred, leading to family humiliation and profound debt which took many years to recover from. And, as a result, a pledge to never have a struggle around money again, no matter what the consequences.
And then there are those who were so well taken-care-of as children that they came to believe that this would always be so in their lives, that someone out there would always be there to help them. This, coupled with the belief that they, in fact, were unable or incapable of taking care of themselves, leads only to another unhealthy way to relate to money.
Quilt tours again
The 1989 NAMES Project tour begins March 17 in Salt Lake City, and then moves comes to Ohio, appearing first in Cincinnati March 24-26, and then Ohio State University in Columbus March 30-April 2.
The deadline for submitting new panels for this tour was several weeks ago (the date was unannounced by the NAMES Project to avoid a flood of new panels that they really couldn't take on the tour). As a result, any panels submitted through this spring will remain in San Francisco until the next major display in Washington, DC, if that is to be a reality again.
The local strategy is to sew Northeastern Ohio panels into 12 feet by 12 feet eight-name sections here in Cleveland (sanctioned by the NAMES Project), and use these for local displays. Additional sections can be sent from San Francisco to supplement these displays, as happened at the Cleveland Playhouse during As Is. We now have enough panels for two 12 x 12's and a few panels for the beginning of a third.
The local chapter will be asking for
some non-tour sections to add to our local sections for display at the Gay-Lesbian Conference at Case Western Reserve University at the end of March. The conference and the OSU Quilt display are, unfortunately, the same weekend due to the lack of availability of dates. In addition to being at the Conference site, some sections will be used in a multi-congregation AIDS workshop coordinated by Walta DeLemos-Brown, minority outreach coordinator for the Health Issues Taskforce. Later that weekend some sections will be at the School of Nursing at CWRU.
Lay Down Your Burden, the NAMES/faces slide show being com-
gay people's HP
Not to mention the fear of money. Do
piled by the local NAMES chapter, is growing. Seven more people were added this week. This was running in video form at the Playhouse during As Is and has been shown at the Lake County AIDS Taskforce, Schools of Nursing at CWRU and Lakeland Community College, Northeast Ohio Taskforce on AIDS in Akron, the Multi-County AIDS Network fundraising benefit, and at the Cleveland BEST Awards (where, to our surprise, the slides were greeted with applause as the crowd saw familiar faces for friends lost to AIDS).
There are several people in panels we are trying to trace (panel-makers, biographies of people, photos, etc.). If you have any information for the following people, please contact the local NAMES chapter at 281-1610: Bobby Redfern, Maney, Bill Bishop, Steve Anderson, Jeremy J. Trefney, Nolan Rice, Ron Newshutz, Jeffrey H. Tourigian, M.D., Don Keller, Randy, Willie Brooks, Jose Estremera, Ashland Chestnut, Jens Ruggevik, Sean, or Art MacDonald.
We Bringa Quilt, the video of the 1988 Washington, D.C. quilt display, is now available in Cleveland from the local chapter. It is 30 minutes in length in VHS format, and covers the training, set-up, the sunrise unfolding and NAMES reading, the candle-light march and speech by Cleve Jones, songs from the community concert, a brief scene from the play, and many interviews with families and loved-ones. Call Dale at 281-1610 for a copy. Additional copies of the Quilt Book are also available. Profits from these are all sent to the NAMES Project to underwrite tour expenses. Donations at displays of quilt sections and the slide show remain in Cleveland for distribution to organizations providing direct services to people with AIDS. Our journey continues ...
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we believe we can trust ourselves, that we will not abuse money and the power that often unjustifiably goes hand in hand with it, as we have seen others do? Are we good enough, smart enough, just and wise enough to handle it? And if we make foolish mistakes, will we be able to rectify them to ourselves and to others?
But the most dangerous belief that we can develop about money is the belief that we do not deserve it. That, in fact, life is supposed to present us with a terrible struggle around money which we embrace as our own noble struggle understood by no one else.
And for those old enough to remember, the '60s taught us that money was intended only for capitalist pigs, not for flower-child, commune-seeking, potsmoking, free-sex, drop-out hippies. There were too many other important things to do which work and money intruded upon. Money was bad; bad people had money. Good people were good because they didn't have any.
Thank the goddess the '60s are long gone.
But in the '80s, we still hold to a scarcity conciousness, a negative perception of money. Now we believe poor people are bad, rich people are good; good people are rich. Still not the high-level consciousness we need.
In fact, there is enough for everyone. Prosperity and money are abundant in the universe. How do we know this? Because those with millions of dollars to their names today can tell us stories of yesterday, when they left Nebraska for Los Angeles with $400 in their pocket loaned to them by their Aunt Sadie. There is enough for everybody. The
LAMBDA
more there is for you, the more there is for me, the more there is for him, the more there is for her and so on. Abundance only multiplies and grows. "Everyone's success contributes to my success."
And so what is money, ultimately? Money is energy. Money is neither good nor bad. Money is a symbol of the infinite energy of the universe. It is never really. yours because it belongs to the universe. It moves around in the universe, constantly being exchanged for crative energy, that is being put out by each one of us at any particular time. And because the creative energy in each of us is limitless and always available, so is money.
Most importantly, we can't base our personal security on having money. This leads to the chronic nagging fear that, no matter how much we have, it will never be enough to assure our fears of losing it or having it taken away. Our security must be based on trusting and loving ourselves, rich or poor, for better and for worse, because we are all we have that we can be sure of.
The question is not, "Do I have enough money to be happy?" The question is, "Do I accept prosperity and abundance into my life?" Prosperity and abundance are more than money with a clear vision and commitment to ourselves, we can create for ourselves a true richness of being, which, while it continues to empower us, will empower everyone we touch in our lives. "On the whole we should regard money as mother's milk: it nourishes us and it nourishes others," says master Chogyam Twingpa Rinpoche. So be it.
"I have abundance in every area of my life."
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